Who Cares What They Think?

Unfortunately, most of us do. It’s innate and embedded in us to care what people think. It comes with being human and wanting to feel acceptance. We all want to be accepted and feel love in some form or capacity. There is nothing wrong with that at all. Some may view this type of vulnerability as weak, but actually it’s just the opposite. To show this form of transparency is actually brave. We say a lot in media/social media that being vulnerable is a bad thing. As a society, we have built so many walls that no one can get in. This is not good for our relationships such as marriage, friendships, and even raising our kids. Empathy is really on a decline in today’s time.

But Why?

Their are many factors that aid in a lack of empathy in society today. Personality disorders, someone’s upbringing, and traumatic events. One of the main things I witness with it, is it being used as survival mechanism. If you don’t feel, you won’t need to heal. It will have the effect of people keeping relationships surface level. According to google, the definition of surface level is Lacking depth of character or understanding. Situated on the top (surface) of something. Affecting only the external surface of something. So in relationships, surface level love is exciting and fun but lacks the foundation to withhold once the honeymoon phase has ends.

How does this fuel anxiety?

Undoubtedly, anxiety will start to show up when we feel people getting very close and fearing the outcome. So what is the easiest thing to do? If I don’t get to close to this person, if this doesn’t work I am emotionally able to move on without the attachment. So are you saying that not being vulnerable is an escape plan?

In a way, Yes! If we do not let someone close, they cannot hurt us. We then later don’t have to sit and ponder where it went wrong and feel the coldness of their absence. Why does this sound like an Adele song? Either way, all the emotions that aid empathy are suppressed out of self preservation. Makes you want to ask people, what happened to you? Furthermore, many of us live everyday with trauma that is subconsciously fueling our toxic behaviors.

How do we fix it?

Therapy! Go To Therapy! No, it does not mean you are broken, but you need help. Help in processing the things that were taken from you at a small ,vulnerable, and impressionable age. We mimic what we see and then repeat those behaviors unknowingly because they are familiar. Unhealthy or not, our body will gravitate towards what it knows. Again, not your fault it’s literally just a mental safety net. I don’t have to work harder if I already know what happens here.

Yeah, the mind really takes us down through there sometimes. Uncertainty fuels anxiety. Good or bad, our mind does not know what will happen so it will develop anxious tendencies in order to protect us from what we don’t know will happen. Above all, allowing ourselves to feel, be vulnerable, and address our own toxic traits, allows for the birth of freedom within ourselves.