This is a hard subject for me. I mean for anyone when you really think about it. How do you become the solution in conflict? Sometimes we really have to sit back and look at the bigger picture. That means looking at ourselves. Crazy right? In most arguments be it a friendship or marriage, but any relationship we play the blame game. Why? it’s easier to point the finger and blame instead of self-examine. Yes something like self ridicule. One thing you must remember in the process of this all, you can only come out of it better. Who isn’t trying to level up and get better?
The Game Plan
Here is a few pointers that might help you look at this situation a little bit better. Hopefully it will make your life a little easier in the process also. I’m going to start this off with “Fighting Fair”. Yes, there is a nice way to argue. Doesn’t seem like it because when stuff gets heated words fly and so does regrets. Pump your breaks for 10 seconds. Let’s regroup and approach this differently.
- Let’s not lead with Passive-Aggression or Verbal-Aggression. This is Insulting, Criticizing, and Blaming. Rest asure that this is definitely going to lead to problems. Talk about pouring gas on the fire. The solution to this would be compassion. Let them know you hear what they are saying and you want to discuss this to come to a resolution and not escalate the situation.
- Another way is to approach with love and understanding. This does not that you have to place blame on yourself. Maintain compassion for yourself as well. If the other person is blaming you for the problem, you can express that it is not fair for you to blame me. Let them know you are not here to point fingers but instead to solve the issue peacefully.
- Also, sometimes we can’t sense it, but they might be afraid. Yes! Scared of the situation/outcome. So what do they? They become a narcissist. Yep, you read that right. Some people don’t know that taking none of the blame is a narcissistic trait. Both men and women can take this on and derail all progress that was trying to be made. This is no excuse at all for them, but just to enlighten you.
Solution In Conflict
Nevertheless, situations will arise but you have to be ready to approach them with a game plan. For instance, as soon as the blame game comes up, don’t jump to offense, gather your thoughts and let them know you don’t mind have this discussion but it will be a fair one. You can most definitely set boundaries in an argument. Of course, going into this you will be tried but you will come out as triumphant. For this reason, try to remain calm and you will not be the problem, but you have just become the solution.
